What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Have you ever felt that you have different parts of you wanting different things? For example, we might say "part of me wants to go out tonight, but part of me wants to stay home" or "part of me would like a slice of cake but part of me wants to eat healthy and stick to a clean diet." These are just some examples of ways in which there might feel like an internal battle is happening, yet upon further inspection, you might begin to see both parts or aspect of you are likely trying to help you the best way they know how. I can help you tune inward to connect to these different aspects of yourself, and begin the healing process of IFS.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence-based psychotherapy model that understands the mind as made up of different “parts,” rather than a single unified voice and that beneath these parts is a core Self—a calm, grounded, and compassionate internal presence. The goal of IFS therapy is not to get rid of parts, but to help them relax their extreme roles so the Self can lead. When parts feel heard and understood, they often soften and no longer need to work so hard to protect us.
What is an Example of Parts in Everyday Life and Using IFS in Session With These Parts?
You might notice a situation where you want to speak up, maybe with a partner, friend, or even at work. Part of you feels frustrated and wants to say what is really on your mind. Part of you might urge you to stay quiet and say "Don't, it's gonna make it worse. People might not like it and I might lose relationships if I say what I really feel and think." Staying quiet might lead to feelings of resentment, disconnection, shame for not expressing yourself. Through the IFS lens, we understand that both parts have a purpose. The part that want to speak up is trying to honor your needs and boundaries and express your feelings. The part that holds you back is trying to protect you from conflict, rejection or being hurt. In session, we wouldn't try to get rid of or suppress the part that keeps you quiet. Instead we would gently get curious about it. I might guide you to slow down, tune inward, and notice where in your body you feel that part, and what it seems to be afraid would happen if it speaks up. Often, this protective part has been working hard in your life to protect you in other ways and in other situations, and may have started doing this job when you were quite young. As we build trust with that part it can begin to soften and you may begin to feel an internal shift where more choice, clarity, confidence becomes available to you. Over time, instead of feeling pulled in opposite directions you can begin to feel more aligned, grounded and more connected to yourself.
What kinds of issues and does IFS help with?
Part of me reacts strongly vs part of me doesn't understand why
Part of me wants to speak up vs. part of me wants to stay quiet and avoid conflict
Part of me wants closeness vs. part of me pulls away when things feel too vulnerable
Part of me wants to trust vs. part of me is always waiting to get hurt and feels unable to trust
Part of me wants to relax vs part of me wants to be productive
Part of me is hard on myself vs part of me just wants to feel accepted
Part of me wants to be seen vs part of me wants to hide
Often these internal battles are given the following clinical labels:
Complex Trauma and PTSD
Depression
Anxiety
Eating Disorders
Personality Disorders
Do We Get Rid of Parts With Therapy?
All parts have positive intentions. Even parts that feel self-sabotaging (anxiety, anger, numbing, perfectionism) are trying to help in the best way they know how. What we will try to do in session is uncover what that part is trying to protect you from, what it's positive intention is. Your symptoms are protective strategies, not defects.
Why IFS Works Well for Trauma?
IFS is especially helpful for trauma and anxiety because it does not force people to override their internal experiences. Instead, it creates space for different parts of the system to be heard, which often reduces internal conflict and emotional overwhelm. Over time, clients learn to relate to themselves with more compassion and clarity, rather than being dominated by one intense emotional state.
Does IFS mean I have multiple personalities?
No. IFS is not the same as Dissociative Identity Disorder. Everyone has parts. These are normal, universal aspects of the human mind. IFS simply gives language and structure to something most people already experience internally (like inner conflict or self-criticism).
What happens in an IFS session?
In a session, we slow down and get curious about what is happening internally. Instead of trying to “fix” thoughts or feelings, we explore the different parts that are present, what they are trying to protect, and what they need. The goal is increased internal understanding, relief, and balance.
What is the “Self” in IFS?
The Self is the core internal state characterized by calm, clarity, compassion, and curiosity. In IFS, healing happens as the Self becomes more present and able to lead internal experiences rather than reactive parts taking over.